There are days like today that make me question why in the first place I wanted to become a mother. I'm really no good at it because if I was then they would listen to me and they don't. I have been really struggling with my whole existence lately and what my "purpose" truly is. I really don't think God intended me to constantly yell and argue and fight with my children. So why did he see fit to send me these children, yes I know it takes two to decide to have them but I really don't know. I try to read my scriptures and pray but I'm lucky if I am even able to get a shower in most days. People who choose not to be mothers and have careers in some ways I envy them and in other ways I don't. Being a parent is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done and if this is my final I am failing miserably.
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- J and H Hunsaker
- Ne Tacoma, Wa, United States
- My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have 4 children. My husband works for a local company as an Accountant and I am an official Stay at Home Mom.
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3 comments:
I went through this exact same thing after I had Jon. I couldn't believe that my entire existence had been reduced to changing diapers, feeding children, and trying to get through the day without running away. I had the same feelings of envy for women who left their kids every day and went to work at high-powered jobs where they didn't have to wipe anyone's nose (or butt!). Then, one day I realized something. Taking care of small children is a temp job. I get to pick what I want to be once they go to school. And I started thinking about how quickly the 4 years of college went by and how I get to start planning my career change in a few years. Once Speed is in 1st grade I can go back to school and get my PhD - something I wanted to have done 3 years ago. And suddenly the way I viewed my children changed. Sure, they still argue and whine, fight and sass, but for the most part I am able to relax and look past the drudgery. I'm sorry you're struggling. But honestly, your kids would much rather have you on a bad day than anyone else on their best.
You are not failing its just hard. I've had days like that actually a lot of days like that. I know its hard but you do a great job. Heavenly Father is aware of you, he knows you and he knows your struggles. I have found that even if I only read a verse of scripture its better than nothing (often I'm in the bathroom with the door closed reading as fast as I can) and it helps to start the day off with a prayer for help. Then throughout the day when I'm struggling I say another prayer and another. Sometimes one is enough and then other days there are never enough. We all have bad days. You can do it!
I hear ya sista! I am constantly asking my 4 y.o. what he has ears for. Most recently his answer: I don't know. Got to love kids, even when they're frustrating, and annoying. You are valued beyond measure, I'm sure of it.
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