I don't know

I seem to ALWAYS do this. Wait and wait and wait until my head is exploding from overload to pen my thought down. I have a journal but do I write in it NO, I have scriptures do I read them occasionally (ok once in a blue moon), do I pray when I remember. My life it seems has recently gotten a lot more complicated. Sports, scouts, callings, a dog, 5 chickens. Did I mention we got a dog??!! What the heck was I thinking? FIVE chickens you ask yes but they don't talk back so zero problems there. I LOVE running and have had ZERO time to commit to it which makes me sad. It is my outlet with my own thoughts. May 4th of this month I ran a 1/2 Marathon and I hadn't trained but ran it in 2:00:40 not bad for not training but imagine what I could do if I had trained! I'm having a hard time with my depression so am on an additional medication to go along with the other in currently on. BIG difference it actually helps with ADD in adults! And wouldn't you know I can FOCUS now and read a book!! Makes me HAPPY!! Food; Food is NOT my friend. I have gained 20lbs since last summer and its my own fault. I stopped going to Weight Watchers because we had to many things going on with kids sports. I recently re joined and I am a Lifetime member but not at goal. I had to join to keep me accountable for my eating habits or lack there of. It's hard I beat myself up daily and try to figure out why I was in control after I lost the weight with my youngest boy and why I was in control of food. It kills me that I have to lose this weight only because this is the FIRST time ever that I've gained weight without not being pregnant and gaining the weight. I'm also a screamer not a yeller but a SCREAMER. There is a difference between the two. I scream to the point that I'm in a rage and everyone in my path (mainly my children) need to back away. I'm seriously considering going to see a physiatrist with the hopes of helping me. I also just signed up for a 30 day challenge to help with the yelling. Something's got to give before I lose my mind...